All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
