I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
