dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
