it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im holly from the hills drunk
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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