Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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