i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
