Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just found puke in my bra..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
