Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
love makes seman taste better
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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