I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
