at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i came on her dog
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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