Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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