The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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