i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
