I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's Friday. Sex?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
