I can tuck mytits in my pants
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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