I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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