Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
