i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
