Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
