I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
