ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
