I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
