I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
