the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
