He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
