i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
