I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
