I just made out with a guy for $7.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
