The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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