I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
