tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
