Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
