Please, let me fuck your mom
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
