Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
