I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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