shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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