So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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