My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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