Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
