i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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