why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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