Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
