Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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