The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize