I cannot find my penis.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
