Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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