If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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