Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just pynch a tree in the face
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
