dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
