If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I touched a dick in church today
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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