Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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