who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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