i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
