Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would ride that face into the sunset
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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