I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
