I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
