actually, I'm a sock model
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
