I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you never un-have a 4some
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
