She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
