How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
