Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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