I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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