Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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