Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
