I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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