I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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