I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
