dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
