she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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