Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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